"Nothing is permanent except change"

Yep, sorry. Still a few days left in 2009, which has been officially dubbed 'The Rollercoaster Year' by the Naming of Years committee (me).

With that in mind, I have to get some more poignancy and reflection in still. So, apologies.

Aaaanyway.

I was dead-set on getting the title of this post tattooed on my arm, even as recently as a few weeks ago. I changed my mind, though, and I'm glad I did. While I think the quote rings completely true on so many levels, I think it's a tad dark, and doesn't really reflect my outlook on life. Yes, change is inevitable. If you don't accept that change, you're destined to be miserable. Change MUST be embraced, because, while it's important to lay claim to, and nudge your own direction in life, it's not all in your hands. There will always be external influences to your path. Some for the better, some for the worse.

In short, shit happens. But conversely, awesome also happens.

And as long as you're a human, a social creature existing on this earth with other humans, and interacting with the world around you, you leave yourself subject to those happenings, for better or worse.

You form friendships and relationships with other humans also existing on this rock. And those invariably end. Be it through a natural occurrence, an external influence, or your own choosing, it's bound to happen sooner or later. And depending on the situation, those endings are either going to be a source of devastation, elation, something in the middle, or even a combination sometimes. But no matter what, after the dust settles, you have the opportunity to rebuild; rebuild yourself, help rebuild those around you.

And that's the beauty of it. If we want to stay on the construction metaphor for a minute, you learn from your engineering mistakes. You know what worked, and what didn't, so you can rebuild stronger the next time around. If you help someone rebuild, you can offer input to help them rebuild stronger as well. And even if you're unable to help in the rebuilding process, at least you can help with cleaning up the mess left behind from a sudden demolition.

While the first half of 2009, was, for the most part, completely uneventful, the 2nd half was insane, especially in comparison. And not just for myself, either. Being helped by those close to me was amazing. Being able to help those close to me... Also amazing. Allowing new people into my life, who I was able to help, some just a tiny bit, some more than that, and who also helped me... Amazing as well.

It's a continual journey, and if you're aware that it's actually happening, it's all the more rewarding. And knowing that this is all so fragile and fluid, really allows you appreciate those moments even more. So I guess if I take nothing else out of the year of 2009, it's to be aware, to allow and to act. The 3 A's, I guess.

As far as 2010, I don't know I've ever looked forward to a New Year as much as this one. Sure, I have my material goals. Get a couple certifications. Lose that last 8 pounds I wanted to get rid of before the end of the year. Keep working out. Keep on track with the non-smoking (2 months now). Work on rebuilding my credit which took some pretty massive dings between the move and the divorce.

Beyond that though, I want nothing more than to move forward with my new knowledge, my new outlook, the new people in my life, and actually experience a full New Year.

Dive! Dive!

206.6 this morning. Apparently not working out as much and just eating less is a good plan for weight loss, who know?

Few things

1. 1 year anniversary of moving (again) to Denver. Interesting. See other post for reflections.

2. I didn't even realize it, but I blew by my 1-month smoke-free point. Cheated once. Hated it, worthwhile cause.

3. 209.6 this morning, which only confuses me since I haven't done an ounce of cardio in almost 2 weeks.

4. Coldplay sucks.

Year in Review?

LOL.

I normally wait until the end of December to do a post like this (when I remember to actively blog), but I figured this was close enough to a landmark date to just take up with one now.

This time last year, my (ex) wife, myself, and my (ex?) dog were in Collinsville, IL preparing to abandon our house we had up for sale since August, but no solid bites on. Yah, brilliant, trying to relocate at the lowest point in the real estate market... Ever. Oh well. We would have set out on the road for Denver, CO about 3 days later. Sold the majority of our worldly belongings, bringing along only what we could fit in the back of my truck, and a U-Haul trailer.

Ironically, it was a drive we had made before. In 2000, I made the same Midwest-t0-Kindawest trip, moving from Champaign, IL to Denver that time. She was with me then as well, so the 2008 trip rang familiar. Except this time, instead of putting her on a plane a week after we arrived, she was staying. This was supposed to be our "fresh start", after getting into quite a rut in the St. Louis area the previous 6 years, and having some rocky moments in our marriage that year. The timing couldn't have been better. We moved into our apartment the day before Thanksgiving. Denver, having the schizophrenic weather it's known for, blessed us with a nice 60 degree day to move in during. The day prior, within 10 minutes of checking into our hotel in Denver for the night, she got a call and phone interview with a job she eventually took, and our realtor called saying we had an offer on the house, which we eventually took.

Things were good.

You know, for a while, anyway.

Fast forward about 7 months later (actually, almost to the day), the (ex) wife walks out on me. World=chaos, etc, etc, and so forth. It's those remaining months where my life really changed though.

I already went through all of that in a previous posting or two, but the point is, it's completely amazing how much your life can change over the course of a year (357 days in this case, but whatever). I'm truly happy... With my mindset, my body (mostly, 211 today yay), the people I have in my life... Really truly happy with the entire picture for the first time in... Shit, I don't even know. Possibly ever. Sure, I've always had a piece of the pie... when I moved back to STL from Denver in 2001, I was probably about the thinnest I've been since 8th grade. But, I didn't know anyone aside from a couple close friends, and I wasn't thrilled with the prospect of being back in the Midwest, despite the nice raise and the ability to help salvage my relationship at the time. (Yeah, put that in the pile of things I obviously kinda regret now).

Near the end of my stay in St. Louis, I was very happy with the people in my life, but nothing else... I was fatter (again) and in a complete mental rut.

Last time I lived in Denver, my mind was clear, my body was en route, but I didn't have a lot of people to share that with.

Now? My mind is more clear than it's ever been in my life, I'm more open, more aware, and more present than ever. Physically, I'm probably near my previous peak, give or take 10-15 pounds, but I'm stronger by a fair amount than I was before, which also applies to the mental state as well. And I have a great network of people that I care about to share all this with.

Ask me a year ago what I thought my life would look like, it's nuts. And ask me what I think my life will look like in another year. I'll laugh at both questions now. I have no idea. I'm really looking forward to it, though. All aspects. Some prospects scare me; going through feelings, emotions, and sharing things that I've only done with one other person in my life before. Some prospects excite me; figuring out more of who -I- am, which was something I never really took stock of in my adult life thusfar. Being more outgoing, and using my newfound mental self to do things I never would have before.

And even those prospects that scare me... They also excite me. And the fact that they excite me... well, that scares me a bit. Which makes me more intrigued, excited and anxious to see what happens. It's cyclical.

The truth is, I'm honestly excited about my life and the future, on the whole, for the first time ever I think. And that, my friends, is all sorts of fucking awesome.


“The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”
-W. M. Lewis

On beer and reflection

But mostly the second part.

Very pointless post, I'll preface that now. And it will be a bit philosophical and rambly, so preface #2. You've been warned.

As of today, I'm semi-officially not married any more. Semi-officially in the sense that while the statute regarding any judgments on our divorce case has expired today, I don't have a piece of paper in my hand from the court stating my marriage is non-existent yet. But that's really more of a formality at this point. And has been for a quite a while.

Colorado has a 90-day "waiting period" for lack of a better term, before a divorce is finalized. So, if you want to look at this in the form of a timeline, it's been 3 months since we filed for divorce. This happened roughly 3 weeks after she left me. I started dating about a week before we filed.

When you put it strictly in terms of absolute time, that seems completely insane. That gave me a solid two weeks of the most insane emotional, mentally exhausting period of my life thus-far. And even that isn't complete, because I was completely unable to register anything... any emotion or feeling of any sort for at least 3-5 days following the initial events, just due to complete shock. But I look back on the events and the emotions of that time with a certain degree of interest, and almost fondness, as sick as that sounds. I know now, that I had to go through what I did to get to where I am today.

I had to completely shut myself off from the world. I had to go be a complete emotional wreck in front of people I'd known only a short time, be completely vulnerable and open with them, to help myself. I had to quit eating, quit sleeping, miss a week of work and wallow in my own perceived ineptitude and lament my abilities as a partner, and question what was wrong with me. I had to accept love and help from people I've known almost my whole life... people I've always been there for on some level or another, but could never accept any reciprocal help or emotional response from, because I was too strong, and too unwilling to make myself available. I had to let my mind wander into places and conjure thoughts I'd never in a million years consider myself capable of. I had to picture what it would be like to ram my truck into a guardrail at 90 when I got a scathing text message, I had to consider what my 'out' options were, in my darkest moment. I had to call emergency counseling services at 2am in an absolute moment of desperation. I had to admit to myself that I couldn't handle an issue on my own, admit that I wasn't too much of a man for therapy, and have a complete, sobbing breakdown in front of a total stranger.

I had to start reading relationship and self-help books. I had to actually sit... and think. About my life, about myself.

I had to do all these things, because without having had those experiences, those thoughts, those pains and those emotions, because without them, I would have never been able to get where I am.

As corny as it sounds, amidst all of that pain, all of that emotion, despair, and whatever else, I had a singular moment that changed me. I was laying on the floor, reading a 'coping with divorce' book my therapist had recommended. I don't remember what the passage was, what the story was, or any of the words on the page. I just closed the book, felt this... I can't even describe it.... I felt this peace come over me, and started laughing. Then I started crying. But it was tears of joy. I laid there on the floor, alternately laughing and crying, hugged my dog, and in that moment, knew that everything was going to be OK. I was done. You see it in movies all the time; the lead character has this 'snap' moment. Everything changes. I drank a $20 bottle of amazing beer in celebration, because I didn't know what else to do. I woke up the next morning... I can't even describe it. From that point forward, I carried myself differently. I talked differently. I form my words more carefully, I don't mumble, I make eye contact, etc. I'm infinitely more aware of my surroundings, both personal and environmental. I'm just generally more present. And I fucking love it. I'm more confident, I'm more outgoing, I'm more honest and direct. People notice it. People I haven't seen in however long comment on it. My ex-wife talks about it every time she sees me.

A new friend who I've had the extereme honor of getting know very well over the past couple months or so was the first person I've talked to since my 'change' that was able to completely and utterly identify with it and help me put a label on it (I hate the term "label", but it's applicable): Translucency. Having this 'awakening', and still carrying on a completely normal life, but with these new eyes, new attitude, and new aura, and presenting it underneath the person you are day-to-day. Reading a book on it now, and it completely speaks to me, which I'm really digging.

Again, in terms of absolute time... From the initial... Incident, through everything above, that turmoil, etc, to the point where I reached self-realization, acceptance, and began moving forward in my life: 14 days. Two fucking weeks. My therapist said, throughout our sessions, that she'd never ran across anyone with my coping skills before, and was amazed every time we'd talked. Which I guess if you're going to be a freak of any sort, you could do worse. For all of my misgivings during my initial coming-to-terms, I went through an entire 6 counseling sessions before determining I'd received everything I currently needed from the process. I'm definitely open to it still, but I just don't see the value/need for it currently. And since my 'moment', I've been waiting for a meltdown. When I look at things critically, and in absolute values, because that's how my mind works day-to-day for a living, there's NO WAY I should have been able to run through everything that quick. But honestly, there hasn't been the slightest hint of any emotional regression. I'm embracing the 'new me' (god that sounds corny still), and re-learning...everything in life.

I listen to music differently. I've been going through my entire collection, just re-listening to everything, and it's all completely different. They lyrics all have different meanings to me now, the arrangements are more profound, the beats are more pronounced.

I interact with people differently. I interact with people, period, actually. I used to make a point to avoid random contact with people, and be withdrawn, just to save myself from having to deal with things, I guess. Now, I embrace those awkward, random moments, because for every one of those, I get 10 awesome interactions with complete fucking strangers, and I love it. And people I actually know? Forgetaboutit. I'm more open and present in all of my relationships with people I know. Maybe to a fault, even. I know I've pissed off a couple people I know since everything, just through virtue of extreme, unfiltered honesty, but it's for the best. I can move forward having a clear conscious. And those I haven't pissed off, I still get to have a clear conscious knowing that everything I have on my mind is on the table. I don't hold back feelings or thoughts now. I'm waiting for it to bite me in the ass in some regards, but again, it makes me feel good to have that level of honesty with others, and with myself.

Seriously... Everything in my life. Completely different. And it's amazing. It was scary at first, like any change is, but I've come to completely embrace it at this point. And as little 'real' time as it's taken me to come through everything, I think it's been a very natural, and 'right' experience. I'm completely comfortable with where I am now in life; time lines, societal judgments, and textbook cases be damned.

I typed too much. I think I lost my train of thought a bit. And I'm not drunk. Oh well.

Go ahead, ask me at the beginning of June what I thought my life would like like come Thanksgiving... Or hell, even the 4th of July. Then ask me what I think my life will look like in another 3 months. I'll laugh at you. Probably borderline hysterically.

If nothing else, this entire experience has taught me that our time here on this rock is more short and volatile than any of us realizes. So embrace that shit. Grab onto the good things, push out the bad, and live that fucking life.

I quit! (again)

I'm officially on day 4 of being smoke-free.

Think I've pulled through all my normal triggers successfully:

Driving (boredom/ritual)
Drinking (not while driving)
Work crap (hour+ conference call with dimwits yesterday)
Ex crap (talked to her for the first time in 3 weeks yesterday, pulled a bunch of crap (pics, etc) off the computer for her last night... while drinking.)
Mad Men (40 people lighting up in every scene just makes me want one)

Doin it cold turkey, smoked about 6-7 in a row Friday on the drive back from IL to polish off a pack and ruin the taste for me. Mission accomplished. Got news while I was home that my grandfather, who I'm not exactly fond of, but regardless, was diagnosed with emphysema and a secondary terminal lung issue, he'll be the 2nd smoker in the family to go from emph.

Also, I decided my life has stabilized enough I don't need the emotional crutch anymore, I'm more worried about the 2nd one than the 1st right now. But, we'll see. Ex is coming over tomorrow, that will probably be the true litmus test.

In light of everything, dug this up about a really awesome guy.

PAXTON -- Dr. Robert Basler walked up to his front door, collected his mail and let in a visitor.
He threw the mail on the table. No worries about receiving any more "famous" letters -- not at 86.
Basler's first famous letter came at age 22 from Adolph Hitler, inducting him into the German army.
About a decade later -- after immigrating with his family to the United States -- Dwight D. Eisenhower extended an order for Basler to serve the stars and stripes.
There aren't many who can claim such a dual role.
Today, Basler remains active in medicine and looks back on a life that has seen the horrors of war in Europe and the most prosperous period in the world's richest country, the United States.
A native of Austria, Basler began his medical education in Prague, Czechoslovakia, but after one year took a planned trip overseas to visit relatives in Michigan in 1938. "I fell in love with this country and everything it stood for," Basler said. "I said, 'That's where I'm going to live,' but I only had a visitor's visa."
As he was returning home to medical school, "the ship newspaper announced the Czech-German border had been closed and war was eminent," Basler remembers. Unable to return to Prague, Basler went with his mother to Vienna and enrolled at Vienna University to further his medical education.
After basic training, Basler was relegated to the medical corps. "I was put in charge of a refill battalion (that sent replacements to the front lines)," Basler said.

To the Russian front

The draftee soon was packed into a cattle car and sent to the Russian front, a trip that took about a week. Basler said. "On our arrival in Orel the temperature was minus-32." Basler doesn't have to watch The History Channel. He lived it.
"The troops on both sides as well as the people endured the hardship of the hardest Russian winter in years," ended up at Orel, about 75 miles south of Moscow.Basler
The mercury would plummet to as low as minus-58 during his stay.
"German soldiers were utterly unprepared for the hardship of the Russian winter," Basler said. "They had no lined overcoats, knitted gloves instead of mittens, inadequate hats and shoes. Comparatively speaking, the Russians were well-prepared."

Medical studies

After three months in the Soviet Union, Basler was ordered back to Vienna to continue his medical education, but he had to return in the summer of 1943.
"Next to the railroads, all the forests were deforested for 200 yards to make it less possible to blow up the trains," Basler said. "I experienced one of the blowups myself."
The Germans were retreating near Kiev, the capital of the Ukraine. Basler again returned to Vienna; air raids threw everyday life into a panic.
Peace came April 11, 1945, when the Soviets took control of Vienna.
Basler worked in a Viennese military hospital. The Soviets made him an interpreter because he spoke Czech, which is close to the other Slavic languages. Afterward he became an interpreter for the U.S. Administration of the Inter-Allied Command.

A long voyage

After receiving his doctorate in 1948, he worked as a physician in a U.S. field hospital in Vienna. He and his wife and two children immigrated to the United States on Feb. 1, 1950, and he found a job in a Michigan hospital.
Six months later, Basler secured an internship in Chicago, passed his state boards and settled in Gifford, where he set up his medical practice.
He received his U.S. draft notice in 1954 and was assigned to the Air Force, where he was commissioned a captain. Basler served in the Strategic Air Command and was stationed at Whiteman Air Force Base.
"In those days I had to participate in base command briefings, which had a lot of confidential secret papers," Basler said. "At one of the meetings I mentioned it was kind of strange to be reviewing these papers when I am not a (U.S.) citizen." The statement left everyone present stunned. Within three days he was in St. Louis and was sworn in as a citizen.

His Air Force duty interrupted his Gifford practice for two years. He returned to the Champaign County community, where he resumed his medical practice. In 1960, he also opened an office in Rantoul.
Basler and his family moved to Champaign in 1964, where he has maintained a practice ever since. He continues to maintain an office in Urbana on a part-time basis and is medical director of Asta Health Care Center, Paxton.
Basler has four children from his first marriage. He and his second wife, Renate, also from Austria, have one son, Chris.
His outside interests have changed -- he once liked to fish, bike, play tennis and ski -- but now is interested in stamps, chess, reading, history and languages.
He also is working on an autobiography.

wait, baby wait

212.4 this morning.

What this means is my weekend diet of turkey, gravy, and Taco Bell is working wonders. Maybe I should move up to that full-time.


What?

Oh, weight.

Yah. So, before Ellen left, I was up north of 230. I obviously stopped documenting it, because... I was nort of 230 again. I'd reckon 235, to be completely honest. That was the end of June.

As of today, I'm back down to 215. I feel amazing though. I have TONS more muscle/definition than I have at any point since (maybe even before) highschool football. I'm biking like mad. It feels great, I feel great, and I still have a ways to go still. I honestly feel healthier at "this" 215 than i ever did at the 195 I was at the time I lost "all the weight" when I came back to St. Louis from the first transfer to Denver. It's weird, and I love it.

Anyway. I rock. Fuck you. :P

Wow.

Dude. So, for, whatever reason, I stumbled upon my own blog. Which means I suck at updating it. Also, it's 2am on a Thursday.

And, I'm drunk.

So, I should probably catch y'all (anyone?) up.

So, Ellen left me about 2 weeks after that previous post. So, now I'm semi-divorced. That's neat. I'll spare y'all the sordid details, but.. They're sordid.

Anyway, our divorce should theoretically be final in about 6 weeks, and I honestly can't wait to move on with my life at this point.

"Oh my gosh" you say. "Seriously, he can't wait?". Yah. Fucking seriously. I can't wait. It's been the weirdest 3/4 months of my life, hands down. The first 3 weeks of which I will NEVER deal with again in this life. I will never let myself feel that much pain, and I will never deal with it in the ways that I did. Between 3rd party therapy and self-exploration, I've learned more about myself in the last 3 months than I have in the last 30 years of my life. This isn't an exaggeration of any sort. I am absolutely, without a doubt, a different person than I was before any of this happened. And it's really fucked up that it took what happened to make me realize that, but I get it, to a certain degree. Darkest before the dawn, etc, etc. You need that kick in the ass to make you awake sometimes.

I've said this to her, and I'll say it again, it's a damn shame we couldn't reach this point we're supposedly both at together. But, the situation is how it is, and honestly, after seeing what I've seen, I honestly believe I'm better off without that (her) in my life.

Yes, callous, but fuck.

There's nothing I'm saying here that I haven't said to her. And that's my new outlook, which is simple, and will probably bite me in the ass in the years to come; dead, complete, fucking honesty. Let me know where I stand, I'll do the same. Life is too short (considering I'm 1/3+ the way through) for this bullshit.

That sounds entirely too emo.

But dammit if it isn't true.

Shortly after she left, and with the blessing of my therapist, I started 'dating', which led me to the online gig, since I'm in IT and that's the environment I function best in. Resultant, I've been sort of 'serial-dating' as a knee-jerk reaction. I figure I've got 12+ years (I'm considering the fact that I wouldn't have starting adult 'dating' until 18) of life/dating/women experience to catch up on in as little time as possible. I'm not sure I gave myself any sort of deadline, or any sort of goal in light of everything. And that's absolutely a good thing, in my eyes. I've met some incredible people, and had some very worthwhile experiences throughout everything, none of which I'd ever give up.

On the whole, it's been amazing. And maybe that's because of where I'm coming from, where I never had that experience... Like when the Amish send their children out for Rumspringa, I feel like I'm on my own little catch-up rebellion. I'm experiencing things I never got to before because of my situation. I'm meeting new, interesting people. I'm having completely screwed-up experiences, that are completly out of the norm for anyone, much less someone in my situation. And I'm LOVING IT. It's pure, unadulterated chaos, and I'm embracing it.

But... I'm also winding down on it already. The Playboy lifesyle isn't one for me. I don't think, anyway. I've already hurt people in the short course of time I've been doing my 'new' thing. I have more people I have to hurt in some capacity because of circumstances. And I don't like doing that. It's just not in me. I'm a very compassionate person, and not a player (I just crush a lot) (but I don't). And that's part of the bigger issue on this. My hand was forced into this lifestyle I always thought about in the back of my mind, but really never wanted to deal with.

BUT, on the opposite page, I've seen what happens when a relationship seems to go amazingly, and the blows up in your face ultimately through.. well.. I know I mis-stepped, but ultimately I did nothing 'wrong', in the traditional Lifetime Movie sense of a relationship. So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't know that the Playboy lifestyle is for me, but I also am scared shitless to let myself be back in situation I was 3-4 months ago. It's interesting. And scary. And confusing.

And honestly, I love it. I normally hate not being in control, but this controlled chaos is perfect for me at this point in time. I want to be able to embrace it, experience it, and figure out EXACTLY what to do with it.

The biggest issue is, ultimately, I know that no matter what I wind up in, if there's another person involved, I lose control over the situation to some degree. I'm not sure what to do with that, honestly. I can't allow myself to be hurt like I was before. BUT, on the same breath, I know that I'll never be able to be hurt like that again. Not because I'm putting up guards and defenses, but because I'm capable of learning from mistakes, and learning to be more aware of my surroundings. Which may, or may not, be similar to a proverbial wall.

Regardless, I've reached my pinnacle. I know what I'm capable of withstanding, I know what I'm capable of giving now, and I know what I'm NOT willing to do again.

And I think that's the best possible starting point any person can ever have.

It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.

Hit it.

And actually, it was like 1000+ miles.

Thursday:
Went to a geek conference downtown. In a basement. It was horrible, so I left early to go back into the office. Then I realized I left my laptop at home, so I went home and worked from home the rest of the day. Went up to the apartment bar for "a few". Wound up closing the bar down at midnight, and heading to an establishment of questionable morals until 2. Burritos, and more beer and bullshitting until 4am or so.

Friday:
Day off thankfully. Got breakfast, took nap. Went to DIA to wait for a plane which was perpetually delayed. Drank beer and watched the Wings bite it hard. Plane which was supposed to leave at 7 or 8 wound up leaving at like 10ish. Wound up drinking for free on the plane somehow. Checked into the hotel at Chicago at 2am.

Saturday:
Met the in-laws at the lobby at nine. Walked around in the rain looking for the red line. Passed it twice. Took train to Wrigley, drank beer at the Cubby Bear prior. More beer during, and obligatory dogs. Love Wrigley. Cubs lost, seats were covered though, so it was still ok since we weren't further soaked. Back to the Cubby Bear after the game for more beer. Back to the hotel to freshen up, drinks at the hotel, then over to Kinzey Chop House for some awesome-ass dead cow and other food lovin. Cab back to the hotel, hung out some more.

Family went to bed mostly, Chet, Ellen and I continued on against our better judgement. Found a Tilted Kilt, watched some crappy UFC fights, then wandered around looking for Miller's Pub. Eventually found it. Found they were open until 4. Damn. Drank a lot. Went to 7-11 and bought tacquitos. And dropped them. Then bought more. Took cab back to the hotel. Fell asleep.

Sunday:
Woke up at 10, ate some breakfast, and went back to Midway. Flight back got stuck in a holding pattern for about an hour due to tornadoes in Denver (again). Landed, made a b-line for BW3. Went home, in bed by 9. Still tired.

Just assembled my new work chair. This makes me happy since my old one was literally about to dump me out. This one has memory foam. It feels like heaven. We'll see how it holds up.

I love chair.

Blog? What's this blog thing you speak of?

Heh. Oops.

Let's see. Does anyone read this? Or did they? Will they again?

So, it's been like... a while since I wrote something, an update is in order. I'll just address things from the last few posts:

1) AM weigh-in, post vacation - 221. Oops. This is despite (or due to) me working out a buttload lately, etc. I feel much better than I did at 213 though, and think I look better too, so we're going to work on the muscle/water retention theory here.

2) We live in Denver now. Moved in the day before Thanksgiving. It's fucking awesome. Closed on the house in Collinsville 12/30/09. Lost our asses on it. Living in an awesome apartment complex now. No intentions on buying anything anytime soon.

3) Sold the S10 finally before we moved. Lost my ass on it.

4) Went to Jacksonville last weekend to see awesome people. It was awesome. I'll defer to Liz's blog for details, since she was there, and actually writes stuff.

5) In reference to 4, Delta eats balls.

6) There is no six.

7) Lori is flying in from Collinsville tomorrow. That should be interesting.

8) We're going to Chicago next weekend.

9) I quit smoking the day we closed on the house. I just had one at lunch though. Ellen says it is, or can be, a seasonal habit. I disagree, but enjoy beer and cigs by the pool. So I'll play ball.

Maybe I'll update this again since I did it once.