Well, apparently the life expectancy on a MOTO Q is 10 weeks, to the day. Fired up the phone this morning (after charging it a bit, the battery was dead), and got this glorious DOS screen:
Motorola Flash Mode
Bootloader Version:
BOOT_C-0.0800R_MRAP
Please Connect USB Cable
The interweb forums all point to deadness/corruptedness as the irrecoverable cause and whatnot, so I'll be visiting my friendly neighborhood Sprint store this afternoon for a replacement, or I may be retarded and see if I can just upgrade to a sweet, sweet, Mogul for a minimal fee.
Counter Thingy that Counts Crap
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