Counter Thingy that Counts Crap

Monday, July 30, 2007

Damn you John Kingston

I don't really think I have a nemesis in life, cuz I'm a likable person like that. But, apparently by grabbing my gmail address early, and getting, I've angered the internet gods and brought a blight of wrong numbers upon myself. I've gotten plenty of ads for Rent-A-Center, I apparently have a showing scheduled for some apartment complex in MD on Wednesday.

Apparently Josh Kingston also doesn't know his email address, since I've also recieved two job offeres for runner/dishwasher at a joint in Texas. So I got that going for me, too.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Drew Carey's Dick is so big, it is gonna host the Price is Right....

You see what I did there? I took a headline about Drew Carey getting the Price Is Right host gig, and shoe-horned it into the form of a big dick joke from Carey's "Dirty Jokes & Beer" book, (which incidentally, is the last "real" book I read. Sad.)

Anyway, I'm way too excited about this. As someone (a fuggin dork) who actually DVR'd TPIR (the price is right, duh) for a couple months leading up to Bob's departure, I consider myself a fan. I wasn't exactly thrilled about any of the publicized front runners, I was completely un-thrilled (read: stabby) over Rosie even trying to get her greasy palms on the gig.

This Carey thing kinda snuck in under the radar on the news sites, and I was pumped at the prospect, but now I see here that he got it. As an overweight, beer-drinking "regular white guy" myself, I fully support those of us overweight, beer-drinking "regular white guys" who've made it. Carey, Belushi, Lange, Farley, etc. The guys who you just wanna go have a beer with, and you know (or at least you imagine in your head), that they'd be totally cool and normal and maybe bum a cig off of ya.

So, that said, congrats Drew, and the next round's on you.

Monday, July 23, 2007

"You can never go home again, Oatman... but I guess you can shop there. "

Yah, lots of Gross Pointe Blank quotes rattling around the ole noggin this weekend, as it was 10 year reunion time. Yay?

Oddly, GPB came out in 97, which was when I graduated. And really, everything was exactly like the movie, but with only slightly less contract killing. And no Dan Aykroyd. At least not that I'm aware of.

Anyway, took off at noon on Friday to roll up to P-town so we'd actually have time to visit with the family unit. Hung out for a while, ate Monicals, hung out some more, my great-grandma threatened to steal my Mustang while we were walking back over to Mom's house, which ended with a bout of hilarity and shitty cell phone pics:

You should be able to make out the top of my 90-year-old great-grandmother's head in that picture. This was where she made her way into the car, but was unable to figure out how to open the door to get out. Funny. After that debacle, we made our way up to Liz's parents house at Lake Iroquis for "beer and yard games", which ended with mostly beer, and being mildly electrocuted by Basler's new fitness toy.

Saturday: Woke up kinda late, got dressed, hung out with mom/grandma again, waited in line a freaking half hour for Just Hamburgers, which was completely worth it. Ate, headed across town to hang out with Grandma Jackie for a bit. Went back home, got dressed and met up with our carpool at Chris's house at 4, with Nate/Pam, Liz/John, Chris/Cari. Shoehorned everyone into the Pilot (note: the 3rd row seat of a Honda Pilot is not fit for 6' tall, 200lb+ dudes.)

Got to Gibson, and after a slight DJ scare (he didn't show until close to 5:45), it was go time. With the help of cheap and plentiful liquid courage (I was on my 4th drink by 6), the whole reunion thing wasn't as god-awful as I had built it up to likely end up in my head. Everyone's basically the same, except they have jobs and shit now. And we can legally drink. And that's basically what it wound up being, a bunch of people standing around, drinking/smoking/talking. It was a bar scene where people kinda knew each other. There was the standard bunching-off of people, just like in school, and just like in school, I was hopping around between groups. Just drunk this time.

The party wrapped up at midnight, and after paying our ($40!!!!) bar tab, we headed back east to P-town via Loda. Let me just point out that bar tab amount and remark on it's remarkable-ness. Ellen and I started drinking at 4pm. We left at 12am. Ellen drank primarily Tangeray and Tonic, I drank mainly Crown & Coke (with a lime, dammit), and had a few 312s. $40. I paid out cash for a few rounds where I was buying shit for other people, but I only spent about $30 in that manner. So that was awesome. I also smoked pretty much a full pack in that timespan, again just due to mild stress and not knowing what else to do. So there's that. Oh, Chris also applauded after grace before supper, which was hilarious.

Anyway, for some idiotic reason, we decided we needed to drink more, so Ellen & I headed over to Nate's parent's house for more beers, and me getting gnawed on by his massive, old dog. Left there around 2a or so.

Sunday: Woke up amazingly not-as-hungover-as-i-shoulda-been, got on the road by 11, made it from P-town to Collinsville in 2 hours, 35 minutes, which is great. I love the barren wasteland/autobahn that is I72. Glad I started taking that route. Got home, watched TV, at BW3, napped, and passed out at 10.

Really, the reunion wasn't as bad as I'd built it up to be in my head. I'm not sure why I was stressing it so much. I generally hate crap where I'm forced to socialize with people I normally wouldn't, which is basically all a reunion is. So, there's that. It was interesting to see what happened to everyone, but I didn't have any breakthroughs with anyone or forge any new friendships. Just general bullshit chit-chat, and lots of booze. I'm fine with that. I'm also fine with not doing that again for another 10 years or so.

Oh, update to my previous bitching (below)

The rep from Dish finally called us back, and refunded our early termination shit. DirecTV is awesome for now. Yay, resolution.

Monday, July 16, 2007


Friday: Went home after work around 5:30p, to find Ellen waiting around for the Dish guy to come (between noon and 5 of course) still. She called in, rep told her that we were in the next slot for install, and that he'd be there shortly. 7p came and went, she put in another call, and the next rep told us that the appointment never made it to the contractor, so Ellen had wasted a day off waiting for the mofo who was never going to show, and then got lied to by the first rep.

Ellen threatened to cancel the remainder of the contract and move to DirecTV, to which they offered her a month of free local channels as compensation..... Which is a whole $5.00/mo. So, that was funny. She obviously cancelled the HD/DVR upgrade, and told the rep we'd be calling back to cancel service Monday. I fired off a quick email to, which I saw was the best way to get someone who will actually do something, just to let them know what was up. Of course, I typo'd the domain, so I had to resend it Sunday, but I got a response back in 15 minutes with an "executive communications" person wanting to call me back to discuss the issue. Saturday we put in an order with DirecTV for their HD pack, and was able to schedule the install between 6a-8a, which was awesome, and setup for Wednesday. Of course, there's no fee if I cancel before then, which I will if Dish is able to sufficiently kiss my ass (they still haven't called back yet).


Anyway, headed to BW3 for much-needed wingsandbeer. Ate, and headed to Maryville for the Maryville Fireman's homecoming, which is apparently S. IL speak for cheap beer fundraiser thingy. Awesome people watching, saw every bartender we know in Cville at the thing, which was odd. Went to Duck's for a bit afterwards, left around 1.

Saturday: Woke up kinda late, was completely unproductive waiting for monte/ann to call us to meet up. Got the call, were remaining lazy for a bit, then headed west for to help clean/paint Monte's condo to prep for re-selling again. Did the painting thing till 7 I guess? Headed back, cleaned up and headed over to Matt & Jodi's for wedding shower thinger, which I brought a fifth of Jager as a gift, which was very well-recieved. Hung out, played with a fucking badass Puggle puppy, watched firefighters try to make fire, and drank till about midnight.

Bailed, met Lori up @ Fridays South for awesome jukeboxery via myself, and tons of people-watching and general merriment. Sam Adams Cherry Wheat on draft. Also, worked the "regular" angle, scoring multiple rounds, including 4 redbull/vodkas, at least 4 bud lights, and 2 SACW for a total bar tap of $26.00. Fuck to the yah. Closed da bar, headed home and crashed hard around 4.

Sunday: Hangover day. Slept till about 11. Hit Blockbuster, Taco Bell. Watched Reno movie, which was meh-ish. Got treats @ Sonic. Wound up taking a nap until like 7 or something. Made the semi-weekly trip to Pizza Man, tried it with the French, basically Monicals, which is outstanding. Watched Shooter, which was decent enough, though Danny Glover's mushmouth detracted a lot from it. Wound up staying up till like 1 due to naps and shit. Passed out hard.


Well, apparently the life expectancy on a MOTO Q is 10 weeks, to the day. Fired up the phone this morning (after charging it a bit, the battery was dead), and got this glorious DOS screen:

Motorola Flash Mode
Bootloader Version:

Please Connect USB Cable

The interweb forums all point to deadness/corruptedness as the irrecoverable cause and whatnot, so I'll be visiting my friendly neighborhood Sprint store this afternoon for a replacement, or I may be retarded and see if I can just upgrade to a sweet, sweet, Mogul for a minimal fee.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Beginning of the end.

K, so last night the board basically approved expansion at the mall. They want an opening date of March 2008 (which is better than that Dec 07 I was told originally).

It was nice knowing you all. I'll be at work for the next 8 months. Non-stop.


Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Ben Franklin hates dogs

I'm sure nothing confuses a dog more than accidentally licking an extension cord and getting his tounge shocked.

Monday, July 09, 2007

fin de semana de nada

Whole lotta nothing!

Friday: Was gonna go see Steve Ewing in Webster, but Lowns bowed out, so I lost my ride into the city, and didn't want to have dual cars (Ellen had happy hour and was gonna meet us), so I stayed home and drank alone and played Forza2 until about 10 when Ellen showed up, and we hit the bars. Whole lotta nothing goin on, and Ellen went over the drunk edge pretty quick, so we hit Taco Bell and passed out kinda early.

Saturday: Woke up kinda late. Ellen made some bitchin poached eggs. Sat around a lot. Don't really think we actually did anything but watch TV or something. I really don't remember. Rolled out to Robdrea's for some grill action, went and saw 1408 on the way. Pretty good movie. Got massive meats @ Dierburgs, and headed over to Lammle's for chillin and grillin. Chilled/grilled, got icecream, then went back to tend to the mutt. Ellen crashed upon arrival (actually was asleep most the way home), I stayed up till about 2 doinking around online.

Sunday: Woke up way later. Didn't shower, didn't leave the house except to mow the yard at like 7. Ellen grabbed some icecream cuz she's awesome. Watched movies all freaking day. Four Rooms, Jackass 2, Slackers. Ellen passed out around 9, I wound up staying up till 12:30 or so playing Forza2 trying to wrap up a racing series (which I did, dammit). So, I'm kinda tired today.

Friday, July 06, 2007

An offer he can't refuse..

Confession time: I've never seen any of the Godfather movies until last weekend.

I'm all caught up now, though, and a better person for it. 2 > 1 > 3. Obviously. I still can't abide by 3 hour (+!!) long movies, though. I must have mild ADD.

Also, I'm the same cat who didn't see any of the original Star Wars movies until like 1996 or something. Hi.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Oh, weekend...

Friday: Whole lotta not much. Met up with Lowns/FutureDavies, and Alice at Friday's South after work. Drank a bit. Think I ate food at some point. Davies/Alice/Carol left, Lowns and us made our way to Blues on Main, where Lashonda proceeded to pour the stiffest fucking drinks ever in the history of mankind. Seriously. A crown and coke, in a 5 oz. tumbler consisted of approximately 4.5oz of Crown, and .5oz of Coke. This isn't an exaggeration either. Awesome. Hung out for a bit, then Lowns split, and we headed home shortly after. Maybe we got Taco Bell. Not sure. Oh, went to LJ Ducks. Left due to deadness.

Saturday: Ellen had to go dress shopping with Helen/Alice/Carol, so I was left to my own devices, which included:

Sleeping till 11:30
Eating Hardee's
Brushing the dog
Playing a lot of Forza2
Playing a lot of poker online

It rocked. Ate O'Charleys, which we hadn't had in forever, but it O'Suckedass. So we figured out why we never go. The bread alone can't sustain that place. Met up with Davies/Carol/Alice at Hurricane's later on. Drank. Went home, hit the jacuzzi, had a CAO and drank a bit more, bed around 3.

Sunday: Tended to the Lowns dogs, watched The Godfather finally. That's about it. Awesome chilled out weekend.

Best quote of yesterday

"I sprayed da Axe, where the ladies at??" - Some random dude at Wal-Mart in the deodorant aisle, who did, in fact, spray Axe on himself. In Wal-Mart.


I used to hate sprouts. On a whim, I got sprouts on my #4 from Jimmy Johns today at lunch. I've noticed that generally, as I get older, my tastes actually have changed, so I'm re-visiting some stuff I've always hated.

But, I still hate sprouts. I don't get the draw of the "flavor of grass" on a sandwich.

It's like electric sex gleaming in the living room window...

Only like...more at peace with the world.

Seriously, wtf? Fuck you, Wal-Mart.