Counter Thingy that Counts Crap

Monday, February 25, 2008


friday - Went...oh. Went to Houlihan's for some grub. Hit up Friday's South for some drinkering. Got lost multiple games of photohunt and heavily-poured crown & cokes. Wound up with another random bar couple friend that's better at photohunt than we are. They're from Bloomington originally, and went to SIU, so there was plenty of good convo. Lori met up with us eventually, and then our other random bar couple friends were there too, so it was a little overwhelming. We eventually made our way across the street to Johnny's, where I had heavy beer conversation and business talk with Doug, the owner, and discovered the glory of Dogfishhead 60-Minute IPA, which I'd always written off before because I normally hate the over-hoppiness of IPAs. This was so well balanced, I almost died. Went home, passed out.

saturday - Ellen was dead in the morning due to lack of eating and excess of wine. Had McD's, sat around most of the day. Got caught up in the best show ever, on CMT, "My Big Redneck Wedding". This is a must-watch. Seriously. I don't care if it's completely scripted and everyone's an actor, it was the best thing ever. Helen/Eric came over around 7 or something, and we Rock Banded for a while, before we rolled into CWE for some "VIP" party at Drunken Fish. VIP apparently stands for "crowded-ass, non-interesting party with shitty bar service, and no free appetizers/drinks as advertised". Decent DJ though.

Got fed up with everything, and went across the street to Sub-Zero for strong vodka-based drink (in my case, vodka neat in massive amounts, dirty) and ironically, sushi. Which was decent. While there, we called ahead to see if we could reserve a booth at Mandarin, which was amazingly could, and they even made a bottle service exception for us. Service at Subzero was fucking horrible as well, so I was kinda l342lkjadsf with service-industry folks, until we got to Mandarin. Eric and I paid our cover, we got drinks, then after realizing we had to tell the doorman that we had a reserve booth, the manager somehow got involved, and she was completely fucking awesome. The doorman made a trip back up to refund our cover, and the waitress we wound up with was incredible. More drinking was done, I did a sake flight, which solidified the fact that I really like sake, but sadly I can't remember what I had and which one of the 3 I hated. So that was kinda a waste. But it was good. Incredible people watching, and lots of Asian lesbians.

Closed Mandarin down, and I was obliterated. Grabbed a paint roller from the stairway, because, hey, paint roller. Apparently babbled about Karate Kid and Mr. Miyagi "show me PAINTDAFENCE" while playing with my new toy on the way back to the car. Drove back (not me, someone else driving) in a sudden blizzard. More Rock Band ensued, and more drinking. Helen/Eric left at like 3 I guess. We continued to Rock Band. I was drumming, and apparently just fell over in the middle of a song. That sucked. Quit around 4:30 (damn the Rock Band time anomoly) when the booze had finally impared me to the point that I could no longer play drums on Hard. Which amazingly, is long after I can no longer sit upright or speak coherently.

sunday -- pain. Fish sandwich from Hardee's. Laundry. American Psycho. Cleaned the basement a bit, punched the heavy bag for a little while. Played more Rock Band.

Think that's it. I apparently drank most of my tax refund.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Somone call the Fart Doctor!!

Friday: Went to the eye doc, got a new one, she rocks. Came home, ate Taco Bell, played a little Rock Band. Chris texted me asking when I was leaving, since he said I should come up to Bloomington. Ellen was at happy hour, so I said fuggit, and wound up driving to Bloomington. Arrived at my destination shortly after 8pm, 2 hour drive FTW.

Yah. Ryan's birthday party was goin down, so I decided to pop in. My conclusions:
1) Chuck E Cheese sells beer, this is an absolute requirement to exist in my world, because:
2) THERE ARE SO MANY F'N KIDS. I mean, I realize it's a Chuck E Cheese, but I seriously felt my penis invert itself. The ultimate birth control.
3) Air hockey table is tiny, sinks are tiny, skee ball is tiny.
4) Robotic rats are very creepy when you're older than 10, as evidenced here.
5) Chuck E Cheese staff does not enjoy Chris dancing with the giant creepy rat after 4 beers, as evidenced here.

So, we closed down CeC I guess, at like 9 or something (lightweight 8 year olds, I tell ya), and headed over to some bowling alley for some bowling. Bowled a couple of games, people splintered off. Chris and I attempted to meet up with everyone at some bar I can't even remember the name of now, but regardless we failed at locating it, so we wound up at Pub II, where we drank much booze and tequila and other booze and ran into Jay Sanders. Tried to get in the middle of a fight and kick someone out of the bar who wound up working at the bar. It was awkward, but I was drunk and intimidating. He apologized. Hung out until after they closed somehow. Got a cab, went to Kappa Kabana, some horrible shitehole strip club. Cabbie (chick) was told by dispatch to just hang out there, so I invited her to come in with us. Chris ordered drinks, and proceeded to get kicked out for puking in a urinal. I yelled at bouncer (again, drunk), slammed drinks, and had the cabbie take us to the wrong hotel. Figured out where we'd decided to stay finally, crashed hard around 4:30 after wandering Schnucks for what seemed like 5 hours looking for contact solution that I left in my car, which was at PubII.

That was the longest paragraph ever.

Saturday: Woke up, ate Avanti's, drove home. Pooped, took shower, slept until 6pm. Nate & Beth came over so Nate could get his Rock Band fix. I drank a lot.

Sunday: Woke up, ate food, sat around most of the day. Wound up going to Edwardsville for Walmart run, poked around goodwill, and hit BW3 for the shittiest service ever in the history of anything. Came home, watched 3:10 to Yuma, which rocked my fucking face.

I think that's it. It's cold and icy. No me gusta.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

So, um.... My car has 2 vaginas.

They're right on the steering wheel. It's subtle. I noticed it on my way to work this morning.

Connect the dots...

Don't really feel like photoshopping this at the office, but you should get the idea. smile.gif

I'm not sure how I've gone so long in my life without ever noticing this. Now, I can't stop noticing.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

An open letter to Rob Corddry


Shave that thingy on the front of your head. I realize male pattern baldness is the meanest thing (my bald spot in the back is immediately to the right of my cowlick). Your case is exemplary though, and while it's an identifier, it's just weird, please remove it from your head.


I think I'm getting sick again...or relapsing, as I never 100% recovered from the last bout of this shite.

On the plus side, I think I'm ready to move up to "Hard" on Rock Band drums.

Monday, February 04, 2008

i'm just gonna rename this blog 'crap i've done'

Friday: Woke up, saw we had a snow day for work, celebrated by doing essentially nothing until about 3 whereupon I shoveled ours and our neighbor's driveways around 3 or so. Played much Rock Band. Watched a lot of TV while Ellen worked from home. Eventually left the house, hit Chili's for some food, hit wally-mart for provisions and accoutrements for supabowl sunday, air bed for the guest room, and other necessities. Spent WAY too much, but less in total than we would have spent on a 'real' Aerobed. Holyshit they're expensive. Hung out at the house, played more Rock Band, had a couple brews.

Saturday: Cleaned house/garage in anticipation of C&C's arrival. Helen & Eric showed up around 6, Rock Band ensued while we awaited C&C who arrived around 830 or something. Hit Ramone's for mexi-love, the waitress knew I required Negro Modelo, I need to vary my dining apparently.

Hit Johnny's Sidebar for a little vino/brew (They have O'Hara's Irish Red, I'm very happy about this) Rachel and Clayton showed up at some point, and there was hanging out. Went across the street to Friday's for b-day shots for Helen, and more boozing. Went some point? Got stuck in the cemetary. Got to house eventually, made drinks, more Rock Band ensued. I think. Helen & Eric left around 3. We kept partying. Darts, and beer pong happened, Chris & I decided drunken sledding was in order, despite the fact that the road around the cemetary had been plowed. Pain.

After that, went back in to the house, and MORE Rock Band happened, until we realized that it was 6:30am and the sun was out. Whoops.

Sunday: Slept till about noon-thirty. Hit Pizza Man for THE HUGEST BREADSTICKS KNOWN TO MAN. Seriously. And we orderd 15 of them. Whoops. And 2 pies. Ate heavily. Played Rock Band (sensing a theme here?) Helen & Eric came over, chili was made, cake was ate, dog farted, Giants beat the Pats. Good time, boring game for the most part, good hanging though. Everyone left, and we immediately went to bed (around 10ish).

Still dead.