Counter Thingy that Counts Crap

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


From the ambiguous files:

Wow. Wtf am I doing. This could be awesome. What strange days these are.

Soy verde

Yesterday, about halfway through the day, I realized I was wearing dark olive khakis and a dark green shirt.

And that I should have been hunting deer in a swamp or other mossy area due to my greenness.

I are dumb and shouldn't get dressed in the dark.

Friday, February 23, 2007

hot pepper mustard!

After like....A long ass time (placed order at the end of October), windows are getting installed 3/1/07. Just so happens, Flogging Molly is 2/28/07. I rule.

Also, I'm home sick today. This nappy sinus infection thing I've been pushing off since New Years finally caught up to me. It sucks. I NyQuil'd it up and slept till 11 though, so that kinda rocks.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Oh, I'll probably be an uncle this week.

uber-weekend update

Friday: Took off @ noon due to 13 hour day Thursday. Came home...uhh. Wtf did I do. I prolly ate. Probably played some Xbox. Oh. Duh. I worked on the Mustang, which has been immobilized in the garage all week. Apparent theory was 'bad gas, fouled plugs'. Got new plugs, some gas additive, and it worked. Plugs were definitely fouled. Bad. Weird.

Anyway, finished that, Ellen came home early, we hung out for a bit, picked up Helen/Eric and headed West to Wii. Good times/drink/food were had, I suck butt at not pushing buttons. Left kinda early due to incoming death storm. Played more xbox.

Saturday: Decided late last night to forego the usual Mardi Gras revelry due to death storm (snow+30mph winds+outdoor drinking=suck). Invited everyone out to the Kingston compound for "Mardi Garage". Ellen made some Jambalaya and creamy chicken nacho-ish items, that were awesome. Bought a pingpong table, because it was on clearance for $60. Bought inflatable sleds, because, c'mon...sleds.

Folks showed up around 4, and we started drinking heavily. Nate/Eric and I decided it was a good idea to shoot BB Guns until we got frostbite. Eventually the wind died down, and we decided that it was a good idea to drink more, and sled down the hill at the back of the lot leading into the cemetary. Got cold, drank more. Robdrea showed at some point, we drank more, then decided to sled again, semi-drunk. Good times. Got cold/tired, went back into the garage and started the beer pong. Drank a lot more. Pizza was ordered at some point. Delivery guy played beer pong. Some of decided to drunken sled again. I think. People left at some point. Jacuzzi action was had. It was cold. I wore a hat. Wound up in bed around 3 I think.

Sunday: Woke up late and hungover. Spent the majority of the day on the couch. I think I got Taco Bell. Watched the 15th anniversary edition of Resevoir Dogs. Sooooooo much better. They totally nailed the transfer and remastering. Actually can't wait to check out the 2nd DVD.

Monday: Off for P-day. Laid around till about noon. Made the first of like 2389 trips to Advance Auto for parts for the truck. Went to the new Home Depot in town for truck items. Spent the rest of the day working on the truck. Laid new wood down in the bed over the old rotten wood, replaced the piece of drywall in the rear window section with new plexiglass, put a clock in the truck, little shitty cupholder console in the seat, fixed the retarded PCV delete the previous owner did, fixed and re-did the leaky exhaust (removed the muffler, but routed it out the side of the truck so it doesn't leak back into the cab and used the right sized piping), and did the oil change from hell (Had to use an impact wrench on the oil plug, the filter was only removed after spearing it with a 24" bar for leverage). Finished everything around 6. Caught up on DVR shit.

The rest of this week's plans include walking the dog for the first time in months, avoiding retardedness at work, and chewing gum. This weekend I vow to finally finish the closet project, and finish changing the oil in the rest of the cars. Maybe.

Monday, February 12, 2007

The reason I don't blog more...

This is an example of why my postings have been lax as of late.

Friday: Met up with Natelown after work at Los Coraporelos for the sweet, sweet totally authentic mexican awesome food that our wives won't eat. Massive burrito Al Corapal and tounge taco (sounds dirtier than it is) for me, tortas por Nate. Fucking awesome. Love that place so much. $6 meal filled me up for 2 days, I swear.

After that, we hopped in Beef Supreme and made a booze run to celebrate Nate's end of tenure at Walgreen's. Drank a bit, Ellen showed up shortly after, and we drank a shitload more and just hung out. Ellen was plowstered, it was funny. She fell. Off the couch.

Passed out at some point kinda early I think.

Woke up, went over to Spring Garden for the awesome diner breakfast lovin. Love that place. So much. Laid around the house talking about all our plans to get all sorts of shit done. Took nap. Went to Kohl's. Bought clothes and shit for the bathroom. Went to Goodwill. Found the best thing ever, but since we had no cash, and didn't want to charge $2, we didn't buy it. Did photograph it though: (Again, cell phone cam, what'd I do w/o you?)

Yah. It's a glove/Hamburger Helper hand that says "HI!" on it, with some like mistletoe or some shit on the cuff. It makes no sense on any level. That's the kinda shit that dreams are made of, though. I can't even venture to guess the historical pertinence of such an item.

Anyway, after that we took the dog over to Lowns and let the dogs play for a while. Then we hit Blockbuster, went home, ordered Papa Johns, and sat on our asses and watched movies (Crank: Horribly EXXXTREME) (Employee of the Month: Better than Crank, but I'm a sucker for Andy Dick). In bed around 11-12.

Sunday: Woke up, let Lown's dogs out again, got Sonic (Supersonic Breakfast burrito, WHAT?) Drove out to BFE to pick up freebie stock exhaust for the Mustang. Came back, decided since we were in the midsts of a heatwave (40 degrees!) I should put up the new storm door out back. Amazingly, it went in w/o a hitch. I had to re-drill and modify things a bit to make everything line up our old-ass house (width at top of doorframe: 31" bottom: 31.5" whoops), but taking my time and drinking beer payed off handsomly, as everything worked on the first shot, and the only time I cussed was when I dropped the door on my foot once. Wrapped that up around 5, and met Lowns for BW3 (Ultimate Bloody Mary with Wild sauce FTW), and then decided to go see Hannibal Rising (better than EOTM and Crank). Actually pretty cool movie.

There ya be. Long weekend coming up thanks to presidents and stuff, and Mardi Gras Saturday as well. Slated to get like 7" of white shit tonight, so gunning for closures and whatnot tomorrow, which would result in me working a 40 hour week 3 times since Thanksgiving. That'd be sweet.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

California broke me.

Being in nice weather for two days totally got me all pumped up and ready to rock out some shit outside. It's 20* here. I can't do jackshit outside, it's too cold. I still want to, though. But it's mostly boring house shit (put up new storm door, install gutters, stain deck), so I guess it's OK that I can't do it. Or something. Weather blows.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Rachael Ray, cracker whore.

And I don't mean cracker as in honkey. I mean the damn cracker whore. I can't buy a single box of any sort of crackers without looking at her mug, and going back into the internal debate of whether I think she's doable or not.

Ritz - I'd do her.

Saltines - Notsomuch.

I'm very torn. I can't remember what she looks like on Wheat Thins.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Escape from L.A. (in pictures)

Hello, loyal readers. Long time no rap.

So, to preface the adventure, I'm an idiot, and decided it would be a good idea to fly to California to see Chris and help cheer on the Bears for their bi-decade Superbowl showing.

Saturday: Woke up around 630, got ready, hit the airport. Sat around for a while, got on plane, sat around for another 3.5 hours. No movie, just crammed in the middle seat of coach (2/3 configuration) feeling my butt go numb every so often. Slept, read Skymall.

Got to LAX, was outside waiting for Chris to pick me up at 12:10. Chris picks me up at 12:50, and we head into town in search of food. Hit Porto's, this amazing Cuban rendition of Panera (omg so good) and load up on the grub. Head back to Chris' apartment and chow down.

After that we head out in search of provisions for Sunday's festivities, and pre-gaming for the night. After striking out at the first liquor store (they had their license suspended, so it was basically a porno and lotto store at that point), we hit 2 more before we find a nicely stocked joint. Procure beers, Johnny Walker Green label, and Redbull. Hit Ralph's, procure chips and pop. Head back to the apartment, and unload. Wind up setting up his Xbox360, drinking some Scotch, and playing table tennis and Madden. Good times.

After that, we got changed, and headed out for the night of adventure and whatnot. First on our stop was an establishment Chris had said he always wanted to go to, but never had the chance. Figured I'd be game for going, and since I'm always up for adventure, we struck out, and landed at our destination:

The photo obviously is chopped off. The full name of the establishment is "LIVE NUDE GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS". You can't short a place like that one of its GIRLS, so I figure that's worth mentioning.

Anyway, we valet (???), make our way past the luxurious curtain-door, and feast our eyes upon the place. The sign lied. There was only one, partially nude girl in the place. Two stages, obviously only one of which was occupied. One dude on the rail. Generally creepy and seedy, even for a place with a name like "LIVE NUDE GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS". Being the guys we are, we figure beer fixes everything, so we belly up to the bar. Our hearts sank upon seeing two lone taps for O'Douls. Our fears were confirmed that although "they're totally nude, it's great", they only had juice/soda ($5 Cokes, thanks)/bottled water. We were instructed to make our way across the street to the bar, "get a good buzz, and come back". They were even nice enough to make an exception to their no re-entry rule, and doorman Max was instructed to let us back in when we were ready.

So, across the street (actually across the 4 lane highway and railroad tracks) we landed at the Big Fish. The bar apparently being named for their mascot...
Yeah. It's a dark pic, but it's a big ass fake stuffed fish (with another fish in its mouth). Some random Luther Vandrose concert was on the stereo. Half the TVs had the concert on (with subtitles), the other half, Cops. There were about 8 people in the bar (counting us). We ordered strong drink and proceeded to play shitty darts. We ordered more strong drink, and half a beer (I ordered a full beer, but the pour was less than exquisite. They're better at strong drink.)

As karaoke was winding up, we made our way back to L.N.G.G.G.'s. Now there were 4 patrons. And more girls (Girls girls). Upon entry, we were greeted by....some random stripper. She was nice. We hung out at the tip rail on stage 1 for a while, witnessing some horrid horrid performing, that was only made less shitty by the fact that each girl (girls girls) only had one song per set.

The crappiness (and $5 coke) made me have to pee, so I went to the bathroom, only to find a urinal full of ice.
I peed on it. Peeing on ice while drunk is fun. No clue why it was there, but that's irrelevant now.

After giving about 6 of the girls (girls girls) some pity tips, we left and made our way back to Burbank to meet Cari and finally eat.

We arrived at PF Changs, ate some decent Chinese (I'd never been), had some more strong drink. Headed over to BJs to meet up with some folks and get killed in the head by Jeremiah Red. (beer). Not really sure what happened at that point. I know I ordered Romeo to drink a lot. We went back to Chris/Cari's at some point.... I apparently ran into the "tiniest mints ever":

According to Ellen, I proceeded to leave her a voice mail about how I was Gulliver in regards to the Lilliputian-esque mints. And Ted Danson.

I wound up in bed, not covered in puke, so I consider it a good night.

Sunday: The pre-planned flag football game for the morning was cancelled late Saturday due to severe drunkenness and impending hangover, and thank God. Hammered dogshit. Woke up, got showered, Cari rocked the banana bread. People filtered in for the Super festivities. Brats were made, mass quantities of shitty-for-you-but-awesome snack food was consumed.

At some point, Chris' dog sat on my shoulder.

At some other point, football happened.
Much screaming at the TV both in happiness (1st half) and anger (2nd half). After a disappointing showing by Chicago, we proceeded to get proper into the drink and play some cards. Poker'd/drank/stogied until about 2am with a rotating crew of Ian/Jerry/Carolyn/Johnny Tran/Ronnie/Alex and I'm sure some other folks I'm forgetting. Good times. Much drank. So much.

Monday: Woke up too early due to stomach issues. Watched Price is Right. Hung out for a bit, ate some breakfast, then headed to the airport. It was 80 out.
So nice. Got to LAX, had enough time to eat some highly overpriced Burger King ($10 for a #8), and caught the plane out. Managed to snag an aisle seat at checkin, and thankfully the middle seat was unoccupied, and I had a tiny 400-year-old Chinese lady in the window seat, so I had plenty of room to stretch out. Spent the trip alternating between trying to sleep (loud-ass flight attendants), reading Motor Trend from cover to cover, and looking at Skymall again.

3.5 hours later, we landed on a windy, snow-covered runway in St. Louis. 10 fucking degrees. Yay. Waited my ass off for the parking shuttle, then made my way home on the ice rink that was I70 through town. Got home at 9:45. Died.

And now I'm at work. Yay. Definitely good times though. Got to see Chris/Cari obviously, also got to hang with their crew some, which is always a good time. Kinda wonder why I always thought camera phones were stupid before, because obviously they come in handy. :)