Year in Review?

LOL.

I normally wait until the end of December to do a post like this (when I remember to actively blog), but I figured this was close enough to a landmark date to just take up with one now.

This time last year, my (ex) wife, myself, and my (ex?) dog were in Collinsville, IL preparing to abandon our house we had up for sale since August, but no solid bites on. Yah, brilliant, trying to relocate at the lowest point in the real estate market... Ever. Oh well. We would have set out on the road for Denver, CO about 3 days later. Sold the majority of our worldly belongings, bringing along only what we could fit in the back of my truck, and a U-Haul trailer.

Ironically, it was a drive we had made before. In 2000, I made the same Midwest-t0-Kindawest trip, moving from Champaign, IL to Denver that time. She was with me then as well, so the 2008 trip rang familiar. Except this time, instead of putting her on a plane a week after we arrived, she was staying. This was supposed to be our "fresh start", after getting into quite a rut in the St. Louis area the previous 6 years, and having some rocky moments in our marriage that year. The timing couldn't have been better. We moved into our apartment the day before Thanksgiving. Denver, having the schizophrenic weather it's known for, blessed us with a nice 60 degree day to move in during. The day prior, within 10 minutes of checking into our hotel in Denver for the night, she got a call and phone interview with a job she eventually took, and our realtor called saying we had an offer on the house, which we eventually took.

Things were good.

You know, for a while, anyway.

Fast forward about 7 months later (actually, almost to the day), the (ex) wife walks out on me. World=chaos, etc, etc, and so forth. It's those remaining months where my life really changed though.

I already went through all of that in a previous posting or two, but the point is, it's completely amazing how much your life can change over the course of a year (357 days in this case, but whatever). I'm truly happy... With my mindset, my body (mostly, 211 today yay), the people I have in my life... Really truly happy with the entire picture for the first time in... Shit, I don't even know. Possibly ever. Sure, I've always had a piece of the pie... when I moved back to STL from Denver in 2001, I was probably about the thinnest I've been since 8th grade. But, I didn't know anyone aside from a couple close friends, and I wasn't thrilled with the prospect of being back in the Midwest, despite the nice raise and the ability to help salvage my relationship at the time. (Yeah, put that in the pile of things I obviously kinda regret now).

Near the end of my stay in St. Louis, I was very happy with the people in my life, but nothing else... I was fatter (again) and in a complete mental rut.

Last time I lived in Denver, my mind was clear, my body was en route, but I didn't have a lot of people to share that with.

Now? My mind is more clear than it's ever been in my life, I'm more open, more aware, and more present than ever. Physically, I'm probably near my previous peak, give or take 10-15 pounds, but I'm stronger by a fair amount than I was before, which also applies to the mental state as well. And I have a great network of people that I care about to share all this with.

Ask me a year ago what I thought my life would look like, it's nuts. And ask me what I think my life will look like in another year. I'll laugh at both questions now. I have no idea. I'm really looking forward to it, though. All aspects. Some prospects scare me; going through feelings, emotions, and sharing things that I've only done with one other person in my life before. Some prospects excite me; figuring out more of who -I- am, which was something I never really took stock of in my adult life thusfar. Being more outgoing, and using my newfound mental self to do things I never would have before.

And even those prospects that scare me... They also excite me. And the fact that they excite me... well, that scares me a bit. Which makes me more intrigued, excited and anxious to see what happens. It's cyclical.

The truth is, I'm honestly excited about my life and the future, on the whole, for the first time ever I think. And that, my friends, is all sorts of fucking awesome.


“The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”
-W. M. Lewis