Escape from L.A. (in pictures)

Hello, loyal readers. Long time no rap.

So, to preface the adventure, I'm an idiot, and decided it would be a good idea to fly to California to see Chris and help cheer on the Bears for their bi-decade Superbowl showing.

Saturday: Woke up around 630, got ready, hit the airport. Sat around for a while, got on plane, sat around for another 3.5 hours. No movie, just crammed in the middle seat of coach (2/3 configuration) feeling my butt go numb every so often. Slept, read Skymall.

Got to LAX, was outside waiting for Chris to pick me up at 12:10. Chris picks me up at 12:50, and we head into town in search of food. Hit Porto's, this amazing Cuban rendition of Panera (omg so good) and load up on the grub. Head back to Chris' apartment and chow down.

After that we head out in search of provisions for Sunday's festivities, and pre-gaming for the night. After striking out at the first liquor store (they had their license suspended, so it was basically a porno and lotto store at that point), we hit 2 more before we find a nicely stocked joint. Procure beers, Johnny Walker Green label, and Redbull. Hit Ralph's, procure chips and pop. Head back to the apartment, and unload. Wind up setting up his Xbox360, drinking some Scotch, and playing table tennis and Madden. Good times.

After that, we got changed, and headed out for the night of adventure and whatnot. First on our stop was an establishment Chris had said he always wanted to go to, but never had the chance. Figured I'd be game for going, and since I'm always up for adventure, we struck out, and landed at our destination:

The photo obviously is chopped off. The full name of the establishment is "LIVE NUDE GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS". You can't short a place like that one of its GIRLS, so I figure that's worth mentioning.

Anyway, we valet (???), make our way past the luxurious curtain-door, and feast our eyes upon the place. The sign lied. There was only one, partially nude girl in the place. Two stages, obviously only one of which was occupied. One dude on the rail. Generally creepy and seedy, even for a place with a name like "LIVE NUDE GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS". Being the guys we are, we figure beer fixes everything, so we belly up to the bar. Our hearts sank upon seeing two lone taps for O'Douls. Our fears were confirmed that although "they're totally nude, it's great", they only had juice/soda ($5 Cokes, thanks)/bottled water. We were instructed to make our way across the street to the bar, "get a good buzz, and come back". They were even nice enough to make an exception to their no re-entry rule, and doorman Max was instructed to let us back in when we were ready.

So, across the street (actually across the 4 lane highway and railroad tracks) we landed at the Big Fish. The bar apparently being named for their mascot...
Yeah. It's a dark pic, but it's a big ass fake stuffed fish (with another fish in its mouth). Some random Luther Vandrose concert was on the stereo. Half the TVs had the concert on (with subtitles), the other half, Cops. There were about 8 people in the bar (counting us). We ordered strong drink and proceeded to play shitty darts. We ordered more strong drink, and half a beer (I ordered a full beer, but the pour was less than exquisite. They're better at strong drink.)

As karaoke was winding up, we made our way back to L.N.G.G.G.'s. Now there were 4 patrons. And more girls (Girls girls). Upon entry, we were greeted by....some random stripper. She was nice. We hung out at the tip rail on stage 1 for a while, witnessing some horrid horrid performing, that was only made less shitty by the fact that each girl (girls girls) only had one song per set.

The crappiness (and $5 coke) made me have to pee, so I went to the bathroom, only to find a urinal full of ice.
I peed on it. Peeing on ice while drunk is fun. No clue why it was there, but that's irrelevant now.

After giving about 6 of the girls (girls girls) some pity tips, we left and made our way back to Burbank to meet Cari and finally eat.

We arrived at PF Changs, ate some decent Chinese (I'd never been), had some more strong drink. Headed over to BJs to meet up with some folks and get killed in the head by Jeremiah Red. (beer). Not really sure what happened at that point. I know I ordered Romeo to drink a lot. We went back to Chris/Cari's at some point.... I apparently ran into the "tiniest mints ever":

According to Ellen, I proceeded to leave her a voice mail about how I was Gulliver in regards to the Lilliputian-esque mints. And Ted Danson.

I wound up in bed, not covered in puke, so I consider it a good night.

Sunday: The pre-planned flag football game for the morning was cancelled late Saturday due to severe drunkenness and impending hangover, and thank God. Hammered dogshit. Woke up, got showered, Cari rocked the banana bread. People filtered in for the Super festivities. Brats were made, mass quantities of shitty-for-you-but-awesome snack food was consumed.

At some point, Chris' dog sat on my shoulder.

At some other point, football happened.
Much screaming at the TV both in happiness (1st half) and anger (2nd half). After a disappointing showing by Chicago, we proceeded to get proper into the drink and play some cards. Poker'd/drank/stogied until about 2am with a rotating crew of Ian/Jerry/Carolyn/Johnny Tran/Ronnie/Alex and I'm sure some other folks I'm forgetting. Good times. Much drank. So much.

Monday: Woke up too early due to stomach issues. Watched Price is Right. Hung out for a bit, ate some breakfast, then headed to the airport. It was 80 out.
So nice. Got to LAX, had enough time to eat some highly overpriced Burger King ($10 for a #8), and caught the plane out. Managed to snag an aisle seat at checkin, and thankfully the middle seat was unoccupied, and I had a tiny 400-year-old Chinese lady in the window seat, so I had plenty of room to stretch out. Spent the trip alternating between trying to sleep (loud-ass flight attendants), reading Motor Trend from cover to cover, and looking at Skymall again.

3.5 hours later, we landed on a windy, snow-covered runway in St. Louis. 10 fucking degrees. Yay. Waited my ass off for the parking shuttle, then made my way home on the ice rink that was I70 through town. Got home at 9:45. Died.

And now I'm at work. Yay. Definitely good times though. Got to see Chris/Cari obviously, also got to hang with their crew some, which is always a good time. Kinda wonder why I always thought camera phones were stupid before, because obviously they come in handy. :)