Counter Thingy that Counts Crap

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The inaugural PITA post

Hi. Here's the first in what will probably be very many PITA posts (Pain In The Ass/Arse). I'll define a task and assign an arbitrary "PITA Rating" (pat. pending, est. 2007) to it. Then I'll offer some insight. It'll be awesome.

Here's the first draft of the scale; I'll even provide a band reference for clarity.

1 - Less of a PITA, more of a minor annoyance. Wouldn't want to put up with it every day, but definitely isn't detrimental to my health. Kinda like Van Halen with David Lee Roth.

2 - Something that takes more time than it probably should, isn't infuriating, but I'd sure like a beer or a pound of weed afterwards to settle me down. Like listening to Phish.

3 - Number three items just plain suck. They don't suck large donkey schlong, they just generally suck. Not really something I'd slit my wrists over, but dammit. Along the lines of listening to pretty much all country music after Johnny Cash was out of the game, and or Alabama after 1986.

4 - Not quite the most tedious or nasty thing I've ever dealt with in my life, but pretty damn close. Number 4 items require all people within a 100 foot radius of me to leave me the hell alone, because I'll probably bite their heads off if they try to reason with me. Rush's Greatest Hits on infinite repeat.

5 -
I'd rather be slamming the heads of puppies together for 4 hours than dealing with a #5. And I love puppies. Let's put it this way: Nickelback. On full blast. Every day, for the rest of your life.






Sometimes I'll even compare two items, like here:

Cleaning Dog Diarrhea Off Living Room Carpet
PITA Rating: 4

I know I shouldn't start off so bad, but seriously. Wow. Boris had a massive accident sometime during the night on Saturday after we'd gone to bed. This rating is only compounded by the fact that I was mildly hungover, and woken up at 6am to deal with this. Then it was onto towling everything up, renting a rug shampooer from the store, and doing the majority of the house "since we had it". Then of course, there's dealing with the nappy-ass poo/water concoction that the machine spits out. Poo.

Cleaning Dog Diarrhea Off Kitchen Ceramic Tile
PITA Rating: 2

Definitely nowhere near as bad as a rug. Tile obviously lends itself a little better to the cleanup of...liquid poo. Really, given the smell, I shoulda put this as a 3, but the actual act wasn't that bad. Yes, the dog is going to the vet.

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